You know you're in Malawi when....

You have just arrived at your new house and after walking in the door for the first time, someone asks YOU to give them cleaning detergent and rags to clean with.

Workmen come to your home and ask YOU for a hammer, a wire stripper, and a ladder so they can do their job.

You inform the maintenance director that your roof has sprung a leak and water is pouring into your living room, and receive the reply, “Oh good, now EVERY house on campus is leaking”

(Nai Nai and Huddy go for a "B-i" ride - as Huddy calls it)

(Nai Nai and Benson snuggle up!)

Upon arriving home, your 3 old exclaims with joy, “The POWER is ON!”

You get paid with a stalk of bananas

You see bugs in your rice and you think “protein – yes!!”

There are 30 people in a 16 seater mini van

Your maintenance department consists of empty shelves and they write down what they need to do the job and YOU go to town to buy it!

(Benson pointing to the Giraffe just meters away)

You spend 20 mins trying to find a way to plug your vacuum cleaner into a socket.

When you get your vacuum plugged in, it overloads the system and blows a fuse.

Your new fridge is scheduled for delivery on Monday, but arrives two weeks after on a Tuesday.

Your rotten kitchen cabinets, upon removal, become a much wanted item by your workers.

There is an absence of levels, tape measures and general accuracy in both the demolition and rebuilding of your kitchen, but at the end of the job you are told, “do not worry, it can not break”

You find your bambo (workman) cleaning your dishes with the toilet brush.

(Darryl and Tiffany Priester in Nyala Game Park)

You prepare a meal for the local people but they tell you they have not eaten because there was no Nsima (maize porridge)

You receive a quote for a project and are expected to negotiate the price.

Fresh produce is MUCH cheaper than processed food items.

You have 3 garden beds full of basil and can still use it all.

You bathe your kids at least once a week under the light of a headlamp.

Every three months a reminder pops up on your calendar, “DEWORM the kids”

(Our family at Nyala Game Park)

Your child's night light is a firefly caught and placed in a jar.

When you tell your kids we are going to the hospital, they wonder “to get a finger prick?” (Blood film to test for Malaria)

You live behind bars but have not committed a crime.

Your 3 yr old inquires if you're having a “regular poop” or “diarrhea again?”

Laundry (in the rainy season) consists of hanging the clothes outside in the morning, moving them to the garage with the rain falls, then 3 days later bringing them inside to fold.

(our family at Nyala)

Your family pet is a vervet monkey who has been known to steal bananas from visitors unlocked cars.

The local police stop you at a road block and fine you because your vehicle has no fluid for the wipers.

When you inquire how much the fine will be, they ask “How much have you got?”

You buy a 1995 vehicle and get hit with an 80% old vehicle tax as well as a 25% luxury vehicle tax.

Getting a local drivers license takes 4 days and $150US.

No-one seems to blink when medications in the pharmacy are simply OS (out of stock)

What you could buy in town one week is not available the next.

Your key chain has 25 keys, and you use all 25 to get to the front door in the morning.

You ask the painters to paint the living room cream and the kitchen white, but when you get home, the kitchen is cream and the living room is white!

(Our 20' container arrives on a long nose 40' truck - tight squeeze to make our turn)

(Unloading our home from the USA all the way to Malawi!)

(Nai Nai with our boys)

Everyone sings in harmony and there are no out of tune voices on Sabbath morning.

Our double stroller is called a “Mwana Galimoto” (baby car)

Your blonde 3 yr old states, “I want BLACK hair”

You are 30 yrs old and cringe because you are known as “Madam”

Your children are familiar with elephant, giraffe and hippo, but when they see a Labrador, they yell with excitement!

The western world is using BFF and LOL abbreviations, but you use TIA and OS (This Is Africa, and, Out of Stock)

(Benson and Huddy enjoy the new shark towels from Nai Nai and Ga Ga)

Monday mornings are dreaded not because it's Monday morning, but because it's “time for chloroquine” (Malaria prophylaxis)

You wait in a line for 4 hours to buy petrol and when you are almost at the front, the petrol runs out.

Regardless of location or brand, diesel and petrol are always the same price.

You have never felt so poor, but been considered so rich!

(Huddy wanted to play guitar just like Jeremy)

(Our Brazilian physical therapist front right - Diane, our Pediatric residents from Loma Linda, Emma and Monica, our traveling friends from the USA, Bjorn and Jeremy)

(Ga Ga playing on the floor with the boys)

(swimming at our local Thyolo Sports club)

(just saw this last week, otherwise would have included it in the transport blog....maybe that's a whole new blog - You Know You're a MISSIONARY when..... )

You know you live in Malawi when:

The local school has benches but no books

The Sabbath school uses supplies donated by your in-laws 20 yrs ago.

You hear loud groans and wailing and know that someone is mourning a loved one.

The nationals have a life expectancy at birth of 50 yrs.

50% of the population is less than 15 yrs old.

1 in 5 kids die before the age of 5.

11.9% of the population has HIV

70% of people in the hospital have HIV

you wake up in the morning and surrender all to God, knowing that the problems you will encounter through the day are too big to handle alone.

Thank you God for the daily reminder that I am weak. YOU are strong.

(B and H waiting for Ga Ga to deplane.)