7 reasons to enjoy flying with strangers…

SA flight leaving Blantyre

I'm going to take a wild guess – I believe I’m not the only person who has found myself on the other side of a transatlantic flight saying a heartfelt ‘farewell’ to the person who occupied the seat next to me.  

It often begins with something like, “going home – or on vacation?” and ends with something like “have fun at your best friend’s wedding, I hope the dress they bought fits you. I’ll be praying for your Mom as she goes back on chemo, thank you for helping Jett with his orange juice – if you’re ever in Malawi, come stay –  let’s keep in touch!”

It was 14 hours from take-off to landing, and somewhere between New York and Johannesburg, I made a friend. A friend who I know more about (and who knows more about me), than most friends I’ve been planning coffee dates with for the past 2 months.

Why can ‘airplane’ relationships be so meaningful?

1.  Sharing a common experience – 

Let’s face it - a change in routine makes us vulnerable. Sometimes getting to the airport, checked in, through security, and onto the plane is fast, friendly and smooth. Sometimes, it’s not. Which is why just arriving at my seat in 38C makes me feel like I’ve won a small battle. 

I’ve been the person waiting impatiently on the plane for the ‘stragglers’ to appear, and I’ve also been the person exhausted of breath from rushing to the gate while listening overhead to “last call for passenger Hayton”.

Either way, looking around the plane, I immediately feel a sense of comradeship with all the other people ‘going my way’ - who also made it to their seats as we taxi off.

2. Time – 

Uninterrupted time could easily be the largest obstacle facing humans as we seek to connect in a world full of distractions and ‘busy-ness’. The question “How are you?” is asked as we are rushing by someone at such a pace, we can barely hear their reply.

So, when I glance over at the individual who ‘scored’ a seat by my family of 5, and then I see on the screen that we have 14 hours of flying ahead, I’m moved to say “g’day – vacation or going home?”

"I have 3 boys of my own…” the buxom lady seated beside me winks… “You do? Where are they now?”…and so it goes…

The beauty of sitting next to someone for 14 hours is in fact that you have TIME. There’s no sense of rush or ‘got to go’, there’s just a whole bunch of time awaiting you.

Whether you chose to spend the time talking, watching movies, or reading a book, when the plane touches down, you have just spent 14hrs in close quarters with a stranger, and chances are you are comfortable with them by now. 

Most conversations worth having require TIME.

3. The stranger effect – 

Talking to a stranger about life is initially a ‘stretch’ but essentially cathartic.  

The stranger in seat 38D approaches life from a new perspective and has a chance to put forward their ideas, thoughts, and philosophies without me judging them. It’s easy to tell a stranger what you’re really struggling with, and it’s easy to listen to their trials without being emotionally overwhelmed or reactionary. Perhaps, we should all get counselling more regularly!?

4.  No one is an island – 

We like to think we can do it all ourselves, we can be all we need to be for ourselves. Yet, I’m reminded of Kenny Rogers singing, “Islands in the stream, that is what we are….sail away with me to another world – and we RELY on each other, ah-ha…Everything is nothing if you’ve got no-one…” and what better place to discover that we ‘need’ each other than crammed into ‘cattle-class’ on a United transatlantic flight?

It takes a certain level of co-operation to get those food trays cleared from the window seat to the cart in the aisle, and it takes a bit of tolerance and patience to be nudged awake so that ‘Mrs window seat’ can go pee for the 14^th time. And it takes even more courage when you’re the one who needs help.

I’ve been the Mom flying alone with kids. When one child needs to go potty and the baby needs to be held, who helps me? Seat 38D, that’s who.

5. Living with Purpose – 

There’s something attractive about people who are ‘living with purpose’. Even though day to day - seat 38D might not know what her ‘purpose’ is, on this day, she – along with everyone else on the plane has one.

People don’t just board flights for fun, do they? I know a guy who once took a trip to South Africa from Los Angeles, spent 6 hours in OR TAMBO and returned to LAX. Purposeless? No! He was keeping up his miles so he didn’t lose his gold flying status.

We are all going somewhere, or returning somewhere for something or somebody.   Living with purpose makes us aware that there is a future and a hope.

6.  We’re part of a team: 

While none of us ‘chose’ each other, once the door closes and we’re airborne, we are essentially part of a team. Since the movie ‘Speed’, and the 9-11 heroes of United flight 93, and Captain Sullenberger on the Hudson River,  I’ve noticed that I tend to ‘size’ up the other passengers when I board a flight - wondering ‘if S*%T hits the fan, whose going to help out!?’ 

On a routine flight from Blantyre to Johannesburg, we were meters from landing when all of a sudden, the pilot pulled hard on the stick and we accelerated back up into the air with such force it startled everyone on board. Soon the pilots were banking hard to the right and circling around OR TAMBO airport while lightning crashed and thunder boomed. The plane was shaking and diving and then being forced up again by the Captains. 

People were terrified. People were silent. Except for one man who gripped the woman next to him and barked, “DO YOU KNOW JESUS!!!?”  It seemed like hours, but 20 minutes later we had made it through the eye of the storm and touched down on the tarmac. Firetrucks rushed to meet our plane, sirens blazing as the doors opened. Applause erupted from the passengers; we hugged each other and squeezed the pilots with gratitude for a safe landing.

7. Albert Einstein asserted – 

“I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots.” I wonder judging by my own ‘addiction’ to constant connectivity on my phone and a quick glance up in the terminal, pre-flight, which shows 95% of people also mesmerized by their screens, are we those ‘idiots?’ 

Despite the fact that ‘wi-fi’ is available on domestic flights now, and movies and media are available on all flights, the long flights still give you a chance, to ‘un-plug’ from social media. To disconnect from your email inbox, to tune out from your voicemail and to simply ‘not exist’ for a while. For 14 hours. And that’s annoying – for the first 15 minutes – then you really do get to 'sit back, relax and enjoy.'

My friend who flew to South Africa to keep his mileage status also said it was ‘vacation’ to sit on a flight where he wasn’t at work, he had no emails to answer, no phone calls to return. He was ‘incognito’.  

Instead of ‘liking’ a friends picture or ‘commenting’ on their uploads, the lucky passengers on board flight SA283 to OR TAMBO get to interact with real humans. Some of the few left in the world, and chances are – only for 14 hours.

the view flying into Blantyre

So – how do I apply this to ‘real life’?

1. Notice the people with whom you share ‘common experiences’.

2. Give time – it’s the most important asset you have!

3. Don’t be afraid to talk to a stranger – or a counselor, or both.

4. You’re awesome – yes, but you’re not ALONE and awesome. You’re strength comes when you exist in community. It’s OK to RELY on someone else.

5. Remember you have a future and a hope. ‘Purpose’ can be getting from Point A to Point B. Tackle the bigger stuff when you’re ready.

6. Only the coach picks the team. Embrace your position and do your best. There are star players and bench-warmers, but everyone is in this thing called life together.

7. Don't be an 'idiot'. Put down your phone. Turn off your computer. Look into the eyes of a real human being and ask, “going home or on vacation?” …

curbside at LAX